NFL Countdown #30: The Saints led the NFL in 2020 with 30 TDs
on the ground, four more than Derrick Henry and the Titans.
9/11. The moon landing. Christmas of 2020.
Flashbulb moments like these came seemingly out of nowhere and rocked the foundation of what we thought was possible, searing in our memories forever the moment everything changed. I remember exactly where I was on Christmas of 2020.
My parents were quarantining after a close contact with COVID, watching over Facetime as my brother, my sister, and I tried our best to keep spirits high on a Christmas unlike any other. Despite the morbid reality of celebrating Christmas apart from my parents because they might have had a deadly virus, we carried on, clinging to any tradition that would make things feel just a little bit more normal: wearing matching sweaters, eating the same Christmas dinner after dropping off a care package at my parents’, even down to leaving out a plate of cookies for Santa. And like every other gathering this time of the year, I eventually ignored my family to watch football and delete Budweisers on the couch. Under other circumstances I probably would have continued doing the whole holiday thing with my siblings and my parents still on Facetime, but I was in the fantasy championship and Alvin Kamara was wearing red and green cleats that screamed “I’m going to win you a trophy today, Ryan”.
Do you remember where you were when Alvin Kamara was allergic to everything that wasn’t the Vikings’ endzone? How about when Taysom Hill vultured that one with four minutes left on the clock? I was on my sister’s red couch, yelling to my siblings that 5 touchdowns wasn’t enough, and that Sean Payton is afraid of greatness. With a couple quick strikes to Justin Jefferson and Adam Thielen, Kirk Cousins actually got the ball in the endzone with enough time to try an onside kick and keep the hopes alive that Alvin Kamara might just break fantasy football.
My brother is an auto-draft kind of guy and my sister only watches the Packers, so they will never understand the joy I felt watching Kamara punch it in just after the two-minute warning. Six touchdowns. SIX FREAKING TOUCHDOWNS. The man woke up that morning, put on his grills and cleats worth a $5,000 fine, then proceeded to steal Christmas from everyone playing against him in a fantasy championship.
On a Christmas unlike any other, Alvin Kamara held fantasy football players captive. Group chats were on fire, as anyone playing against Kamara worked through the first four stages of grief:
1.) Denial: “He’s not going to just keep doing this all game, is he?”
2.) Anger: “F*ck you man, this is a fluke game.”
3.) Bargaining: “Alright, five touchdowns is a lot. *Stephen A. Smith voice* HOWEVA, if the rest of his players choke, I got this in the bag.”
4.) Depression: “It’s over. All the blood, sweat, and tears I put into this team. This was supposed to be my year. I might have just come all this way to lose to a schmuck who is flexing Gabriel Davis IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP.”
With 155 rushing yards and 6 touchdowns, Alvin Kamara’s 56 PPR points sealed the deal for many fantasy champions three days before the final snap of Week 16. To everyone who played against Kamara and isn’t my friend Joey from my home league, I hope one day you will reach the final stage of grief and accept that your title was stolen by the coldest Grinch of all time. To everyone who finished in last place thanks to Mr. Kamara, I hope the punishment was brutal enough to make you reassess the terrible strategy that put you in that situation in the first place. And to everyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I hope Alvin Kamara scores six touchdowns on a special day to you this season.